Life is Rough, Use Lube (J. Wilde)

It's odd to be writing about this when for the first day in a long time life seems to be flowing pretty well. The flood waters have seemingly receding and the first time I see dry land. I sit here and think about my roommate comments. I think of her last night sitting here in this same chair as the lights in our living room broke the darkness of the room and kept her illuminated. She began to type and throw out her hard. I can almost see the stress on her face as she thinks about her lack of a job, and it tears me up as I continue to try and keep her up beat. She wants to keep everything together, but it's a tough time. Her world in many ways feels like it's breaking down into pieces, and she has no idea how to put the puzzle back together.

But...

She needs to keep open and keep positive. The world is hard to put together for everyone. Sometimes, the same pieces don't fit into the new puzzle. Sometimes, you think they fit, but even then you have to move them around...or discard them all together. She has a strong support from both me and her family, which I hope she realizes. She may be the only one who makes the choices, but wrong or right people like me, my neighbors, her mother, her brother, and countless other friends are going to be there for her.

I don't think she always sees that. She, like me, remains afraid of being alone. I just got done reading an amazing autobiography about a man who was what he coined as a 'serial monogamous'. I have heard that term before, but he would be in a relationship for 2-5 years and then go into a new relationship. His current relationship happened at forty, and at the time of the writing he seemed geuninely happy. That's 16 years away for me, which relatively isn't that long. Honestly, I can't wait to see where I am at. Will I have written a book? Novella? Poem? Will I be a teacher? Professor? Academic? Who knows. I'm still young, and the world and the people in it are out there.

My roommate and I are a perfect match, we're at the same stage with different ages. We've each had life experiences that have both bitch slapped us, and caressed us with silk. We just want more silk than slaps, but that isn't how life works. You wouldn't know how well the silk felt if you didn't have the sting left over from the slap. I sometimes delude myself into believing the world is good. Life is good. Life sucks sometimes, but without the hardships that I have had I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have been able to join the Navy. I wouldn't be able to have the friends I've had. All of it comes down to one experience or another.

I think in a couple years, if C. Wilde and I are still living together we'll think of this time and it will have a bittersweetness. I may be with someone new; she may be with someone new. I might be alone, but we'll both have the strength to keep us going. Together, separate, and with our friends, we'll be strong. We're strong people, but love weakens everything. We just have to cement our place in this life and go with it. Someone will tear down the boundaries, and we'll let them eventually. The problem is we need to be ready for them, and not looking.

I'm going all over the place. My view on life is quoted from a comic book written by Judd Winick in a comic book entitled "Graduation Day". Donna Troy is talking to her former mentors new sidekick and says "I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know tomorrow will come. And I will be there to meet it." I have quoted this several times throughout my recent years because no matter how hard today sucks; no matter how many people fuck you over; tomorrow has a chance at being truly brilliant. I want to be there to see it metaphorically holding hands with my roommate, my friends, a new potential love, and my family. The people who love me are who matter, and they will be there tomorrow to help me get through whatever the hell I need.