40 Days and 40 Nights (C. Wilde)

To honor our first Lenten season together, we have decided to remain abstinent for 40 days and 40 nights. This, in all honesty,should not be hard for me, but Murphy's Law denotes that the minute that I tell myself that penetration of any kind is off limits someone will come along that makes me want to break the rules. Then again, that is the point of Lent, to overcome temptation.

Now, I went out last night. (Mid Week Morgan's) I told my neighbor and his friend about my 40 day rule and knowing what a sexually charged person I am, even in everyday circumstances, I think they were trying to push my buttons a bit. By the end of the night, I texted my neighbor and darn near begged for some action. I am pleased to say that he is a great friend, he told me I could do this and that after 40 days if I chose to do something with anyone it would be that much better. I guess he has a point. However, the Captain in me didn't like that answer, so I called my friend Barry (the prettiest black man I have ever met, 6'5, runner.....adorable) I mean I wanted to snuggle(*wink*) and he complied quite willingly to come over and hold me, as well as respected my 40 days rule. (He is a good catholic boy) It actually made me smile. For once in my life I have friends that will keep me to my word because it is best for me. I actually feel respected and cared about. Thank you guys!!!

I have this tattoo on my left wrist that says "To thine own self be true" I got home last night to this message on our white board from J. Wilde: "To thine own self be true? To search for that truth, you need to respect yourself, to know a moment isn't forever, but also that more pain may come from being who you respect; not giving into temptations no matter how great the moment. " My roommate can be a genius somedays and I love him for that.

The true me at times is a child and the minute I am told or I tell myself I can't do something, well I have to prove it wrong. I am in no place to be having sex anyway, I am not in a relationship, I am finally at the letting go point of my last relationship. In my mind, I know that this is a great thing and that it won't be that hard. But the child in me wants to kick and scream and cry and beg for someone to "love" me. That makes me laugh. In all actuality there is only one person that I really want to be sexual with and well, due to borders of countries, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Now the other side of me, the Dominant is actually more aroused by this act of denial. Thank god for the mythical clitoris, as self sex does not require penetration, so that will not break our rules. I would be a raging bitch if I couldn't at least do that.

If either of us fail, we will post it. I am interested to see how J. fairs when his first real temptation in these 40 days arrives. I wasn't graceful about it last night, but I have friends to get me past it and I hope that I can be there for him when temptation knocks and wants to take his sex drive out for a wild ride.

C. Wilde