OMG...WTF!? Well, my divorce from husband #2 is final. I am in mourning a bit. I am confused to who I am truly as a single woman. I am a serial monogamist, I like being in relationships, feeling special, snuggling. I don't, however, want to rush into anything too soon. I don't want to fall into old habits. I don't want to give my all right now because I fear getting nothing back. I fear falling hard, rebounding and being hurt again.
I met someone who treats me like a princess and I love it. We have alot in common and he makes me feel good, he makes me smile, he makes me feel pretty and most of all he calms me when I am chaotic. He is a combination of man and boy, provider and needy, big spoon and little spoon. I like him, I like him alot. I worry about getting into another serious relationship, and walking away a few years older and more hurt. I am 30, I want to settle down, I want that long life love with someone. The kind of love that lets me grow old and loved, where I can imagine sitting on my front porch in the evening holding the wrinkled hand of my husband 50 years from now. I want that, I want someone to love me that much to want that with me, but the more time I spend with one person, the less opportunities I have to find that person and yet what if this is the right person ....I want to give it enough time. And now that I am seeing someone I am meeting all kinds of men interested in me....them again they are probably only interested in one thing...grrr! Catch 21 if I ever had one!!!
I got a job. I will get my bills caught up. I applied to go to college at SDSU, possibly get my teaching degree so I can teach art or maybe just take classes for the fun of learning....I am such a nerd.
Well, that is life and on this rainy day in June...when it rains, it pours.
C. Wilde
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