Acceptence and my submission

I am really good at acting like I don't care, to not showing too many emotions to those I don't want to see. I hide behind my boisterous, extroverted attitude. I use humor, sarcasm and maybe angst to keep people where I need them, which is far away from my real emotions. Sometimes I feel like a soldier, when I have to take care of shit, my Dom side comes out and my emotions fade into the back. I know this is a self-preservation tecnnique with years of practice and I guess sometimes I still feel like I need it.

However, that is not always the person I am, usually just the person I feel I need to be. I am a very emotional, caring person. I hate confrontation and only do it when it is necessary. I don't like being in charge all the time.

My submissive side looks for acceptance. When I show someone who I really am, when I show them all my emotions, all my thoughts, and really open up....I AM VULNERABLE! I need to feel accepted, I need to feel cared about and enjoyed for who I am. I always try my best and I need someone to see that in me. I put myself out there, I will go 90%, but I need to know someone is at least going to come 10% and let me know they appreciate me : )

I get so emotional when I am submissive. I have so much locked inside me and when I feel accepted I just want to open the flood gates and let it all out. Someday I hope I can really do that and have someone there to hold me and listen and tell me everything is going to be okay. I know I would walk away stronger, I just have to have that one person who isn't going to make me regret it. I don't ever want to not trust myself and my judgement again. I don't want to feel like I am not good enough for someone. I don't ever want to feel less than someone, I want someone who really sees my submission and trust as a gift. ( And a Man just like that is in my life now.) He doesn't always understand but he listens and reacts in loving ways!

All anyone ever wants, even non-conformists like me, is to be accepted for who we are.

C. Wilde