A month of reflection....

I realize that I sort of went off the radar for the month of August. I had a lot of emotions, weepy, crazy hormonal stuff. Morning sickness was a BITCH...to say the least. I started sleeping better and now it is worse again. Chris has moved home again, and started his last year of college this week. We decided I would move my stuff into storage and a few things in to his place for this first semester and then we would look for a place of our own for spring semester before the baby comes. He has attended all my Dr. appts with me and we heard the heart beat last week....160bpm....healthy....and I am still hoping for a girl.

Josh spoke to the boys, Rand and Rune about me being pregnant. They are excited and I can't wait to see them next weekend :) Rand started first grade this week and Rune is so excited for kindergarten next year!

I have been so nervous lately. Nervous about moving in with Chris, I don't want to be left again and that is my biggest fear. I want a diamond ring and a commitment, even if it ends up being the longest engagement in history....I just want a little piece of solidarity. But then again....it is just an item and it can always be taken back, someone can leave at anytime, that is life. I try to enjoy what I have everyday!

For the most part our relationship is simple. I do me, he does him. We just do what needs to be done. I do dishes, he does dishes, we both cook, we both clean. I don't bitch about his video games, he doesn't bitch about my reading or filling all my weekends with outings. I do love him, I get frustrated sometimes and I talk about it and he listens.

I have noticed that he and my kids think I am angry a lot more than I feel I am. I need to learn to change my tone and expressions. I don't want to be seen as the angry woman, wife, mother, etc.

I feel fat. I mean I have only gained 2 lbs. in the first trimester. I am on week 14. My belly is big, my pants don't fit, but my tummy isn't rounded out yet, so I just feel unattractive and fat....blah.

Ok, enough of my bitching around. That was just a quick account of some of Aug. Oh and our parents know now, his mom is excited :)

C.W.