A place of our own, a place to call home.

As of Dec. 1, we moved into our own apartment together. Granted he did most of the moving and was very protective about me doing too much while pregnant : ) We have started to put things away, buy what we need and I look forward to hanging pictures on the walls and setting up the baby's room. We are easing into our "playing house" life. He takes care of bills, I just give him my money. I try to cook and keep things clean, though he helps. Our sex life is really good, life in general is good.

I am more tired all the time and feel like we hardly see eachother, but we make the most of what we get. He is almost done with classes for this semester and then one semester is left before graduation. I worry about what could happen after graduation, him getting a job out of town and not being around is frightening!!!

Christmas is just around the corner and I long more than ever for an engagement ring or some tangible symbol of his commitment...how dumb is that...we live together, he is wonderful and tells me he loves me everyday and I want more...that just sounds selfish. I get a little tingle of jealousy when I realize our daughter will have his name before I will. Sometimes I think maybe she is the only reason he is around, which is great in it's own right, but makes her more important to me right out the gate. She is worth it, but I am not. I know it is just crazy thoughts. I long for him to understand all my dynamics...my need for submission to him, my need for his love and approval, his support in my indepenence and strength...but I want to be his wife, his forever! And I just want the ring now...I can wait for the wedding : )

I think I get more frustrated when i know he bought an ex jewelry from Zales...and I know I am his longest most committed relationship...so what did she do to diserve that show of desire that I haven't...or was it just a manly ploy to try to get more from her...well she was also the one he cheated on...so I guess I will go without the jewelry if it means no cheating....ugh!

I am sure it will all be fine...I am just frustrated and wanting.

C.W.