When Your Back is Turned (J. Wilde)

I do not know what goes on behind my back, which is where this topic started. Well, I can tell you almost exactly when I wanted to write about this, and it was later in the day that I sent this to my roommate. I was sitting at Cottonwood with my friend, Kye, and I was searching through Facebook showing her some of the people my friend and I had in common. I was going through all his friends to show the people I had yet to add to my own Friends list. (We have 22 friends in common, and countless others I have met). The friend walks into the coffee shop. Not only do I feel like an awkward creeper, but I just state "You scared the shit out of me, I'm Facebook stalking you right now." He looked at me like I was a bit off my rocker, although he talked to me for a few minutes and then went to sit down.

I wanted to write this blog mostly because I never know what people are doing when I am not there. It scares me a little bit, although I hope some of the things they say are nice. The same friend (who is honest about some things, joking about others, and sometimes I'm never sure where we stand as friends) has stated "Don't flatter yourself, I don't talk about you."

Sometimes, I would like to be talked about. I have this boy that I don't know if we're seeing each other, just friends, or happen to sleep together from time to time. I would like to think he talks about me, but I'm never exactly sure. I know I talk about him constantly, mostly cause I find him highly enjoyable. There's a lot I can say about him, and a large part of me WANTS to date him, but the mixed signals throw me off.

Nine times out of ten, I honestly tell people upfront where I stand. Even with both the boys mentioned in this entry, I am honest. I do not like the secrets that can come to the surface down the road, I'd much rather face the pain now and tell them straight forwardly. I just hope that people give me the same courtesy. Some do, I already know that. Others, I sometimes wonder what's being said. I sometimes where how I come up in some people's conversations, or if I come up at all. I guess that is just the control freak in me.